Sometimes we just want to be heard

Genevieve was being a grump. She was tired. Well she should have been, it was bedtime. Bedtime is always a struggle. I don't think my own parents would disagree with that. With seven kids, bedtime must have been torturous. Well, getting the girls to bed sometimes involves screaming (us at them) and sometimes I just grab them by the hand and walk them upstairs and step them through the process. This was not one of the hand holding nights. After fighting to get them upstairs, immediately we hear Genevieve screaming and crying. She was hurt. So we quickly run up the stairs, "What happened?" we exclaim. Only screams and crying could come out. "WHAT HAPPENED?" we say a little louder, as if that could jolt the explanation out over the tears.

I suddenly had a flash! It was a memory, a feeling. I still cannot tell whether it was a memory of my Dad or my Mom or a combination of both. Empathy. My voice got higher as my body got lower to the ground. At her level, I could make a connection. With a higher more sympathetic voice, she calmed enough to tell me she stubbed her toe. I looked at it - really looked at it. It was fine. She was fine. I joked and told her that God gave us ten toes so we could sacrifice one or two and still walk. A hug and we were off to bed.

Sometimes we just want to be heard. We want someone to care - to stop doing what they are doing, pay attention and show us that we are loved. The world presents us with opportunities like this constantly, but we are too needy to notice most of the time. If we are all pay-attention-to-me all the time, then no one is left to give the attention. It is a warm feeling when someone is concerned with us and takes a minute to see how we are and attempts to help. A warm, calming, connected feeling that feels like love.

Being heard takes on different forms for different people, but it always involves stopping, looking and listening.

AT HOME
Put the computer down, look into your spouse's or child's eyes and calmly, without judgement, listen. Respond with knowing sympathy. For the guys reading this, do not try to fix anything and don't add your own story about when this happened to you or explain how you have a headache too. Example responses: "I know. That hurts." or "That must make you feel terrible."

AT WORK
Stop typing your email. Turn your chair around. Get eye contact. Listen. Write yourself a note in front of them. This tells your employee or co-worker that you know this is real. Thank them for talking to you and assure them that you will look into it for them.

At work, they always want action. At home, they usually just want time.

I am writing in broad generalities with a dash of gender bias and prejudice. But it is necessary to get a point across in a readable post. Thanks for listening.