Dual nature

Crying. Babies do a lot of crying.
I remember my first experience with a crying baby. I had never watched a baby before, but my sister-in-law came to visit to help Cory buy a wedding dress. They left me with the baby. I was 22 years old and never held a baby before. I tried not to let on that I was terrified. She gave me some very simple advice that made it all sound so easy. If the baby cries, he only wants one of three things: food, potty or love. For food, here is a bottle. For potty, check his diaper. For love, hold, rock, talk sweet or if you just fed him, burp him. "I got this!" He cried for three hours straight as my head slowly split in two. I tried all three things in methodically monotony, one to the next, to the next, to the next, for three hours to no avail.

I don't think I was adequately equipped for this ... as a man. Crying is not something we are taught to deal with. That is something to sweep under the rug. When you are young and a male, you cry and they call you a baby. When you are in middle school, they call you a girl. In high school, cry and they call you a fag. Crying is not manly. "Man-up!" They will tell you. "There is no crying in baseball," says Tom Hanks' character in the movie, A League of Their Own. When I got even older, my Mom would say that I was sensitive; a positive spin, but still an excuse or a label. Oops! I just let it out. I am a crier.

Cory thinks it's endearing when we are watching, Downton Abbey or The English Patient. But if I cry in a fight, she gets annoyed. At times though, I think she has been glad. Glad because, by crying, I was showing that I cared.

But crying is a sign of weakness. Right? That's what we're taught. Emotions are bad in business and crying is weak. Back in caveman times, men had to be strong to go and hunt for food. "Survival of the fittest" means there is no time to cry over the death of a bison. But we have evolved to the point where we don't have to hunt for food. We can buy a package of food and throw the box on the side of the road where a careworn, native american will cry tears of sadness. Remember that PSA?

When I cry, I try to soak it in. By crying, I am feeling. By feeling, I am alive! Crying is a baptism into the human race every time you do it. Crying is not weakness, it is the height of strength. Crying not only shows you care, but that you are empathetic. Empathy is the ability to feel what someone else is feeling. Talk about strength. Carrying someone else's burden, even for a moment, takes strength. Holding your feelings in doesn't make you strong. It takes courage to cry and courage takes strength.

Crying is also a method of self expression. It is an uncensored outpouring of something that is completely human. Babies don't have our walls and our judgement, so they cry a lot. Judgement and labels build up like calculus on our souls and keep us from loving, from feeling. Am I sensitive? Hell ya I am! Who doesn't want to feel? Ask a paraplegic if they are better off without the feeling in their legs. Walk in someone else's shoes emotionally and you will know a deep love. A love that comes from a real understanding of them.