Why do we get married? Lord knows that marriage in this country has become a temporary transition to the next person. We live in a disposable society with water in plastic bottles and everything has packaging to discard. Our electronics are even disposable as we are encouraged to throw out our computers, iPods and cellphones after a year or two. But marriages were meant to last. ...'Til death do us part. But society has taught us that when something seems old and/or broken, you ditch it for a new model. Even if it's not, there is something better that just came out that you HAVE to have.
So WHY marriage? The wedding is expensive. Takes nearly a year to plan. You invariably piss someone off. And then there is the gifts, and should she change her last name? Ahh, there it is, change the name. The woman gets married to the man to become his property and to produce heirs. Right? That is where marriage originated, but it has transformed over the years and recently love even entered the picture.
The reality is that we are expected to marry. Our family will incessantly ask us when. The pictures in our magazines show us the family ideal and keep pushing us to do it. There are two states to be in, married or single. Since we are born single, marriage is an upgrade, like senior from junior. Being a senior citizen, however, is a downgrade, but I digress (whole new post...or book).
A single person in their 30's is looked down upon. Questions arise about their sexual orientation and their likeability. Are they broken? What's wrong? You see, society (that's you, me and the neighbors) wants that person to be "normal". We want everyone to be fruitful and multiply. We want the grand kids. Because those magazine ads say that this is the norm. Because a married couple living in the neighbor is upstanding and good. Two single people living in a house in the neighborhood is threatening somehow.
Marriage is what we strive to have for ourselves and for others, unless that person is gay, of course. I went to my first gay wedding. Oh SHOCK! Oh Scandel! You know what struck me most about this moral abomination? It was how "normal" it seemed. Two people in love wanting to profess before their family and friends that they want to be together forever. Their marriage wasn't even legal (marriage was legalized in Illinois, but doesn't take effect until June 2014). Now I didn't even get into the benefits from a legal standpoint of getting married, but there are many and many homosexuals have been looking for those benefits. "But we said they could have civil unions to get many of those rights, so...," You say. So, why wasn't that enough? Why hang on to needing an institution marred by bitter divorces?
One reason, by my observation, is normalcy. We strive to be the magazine ads. We try to do what society expects of us. No one wants to be the ugly duckling, the odd man out or the anomaly. Another reason is love. Two people in love want the marriage; want to see the commitment from their partner. They want to declare in front of their family and friends, "See we are normal and he/she loves me."
So WHY marriage? The wedding is expensive. Takes nearly a year to plan. You invariably piss someone off. And then there is the gifts, and should she change her last name? Ahh, there it is, change the name. The woman gets married to the man to become his property and to produce heirs. Right? That is where marriage originated, but it has transformed over the years and recently love even entered the picture.
The reality is that we are expected to marry. Our family will incessantly ask us when. The pictures in our magazines show us the family ideal and keep pushing us to do it. There are two states to be in, married or single. Since we are born single, marriage is an upgrade, like senior from junior. Being a senior citizen, however, is a downgrade, but I digress (whole new post...or book).
A single person in their 30's is looked down upon. Questions arise about their sexual orientation and their likeability. Are they broken? What's wrong? You see, society (that's you, me and the neighbors) wants that person to be "normal". We want everyone to be fruitful and multiply. We want the grand kids. Because those magazine ads say that this is the norm. Because a married couple living in the neighbor is upstanding and good. Two single people living in a house in the neighborhood is threatening somehow.
Marriage is what we strive to have for ourselves and for others, unless that person is gay, of course. I went to my first gay wedding. Oh SHOCK! Oh Scandel! You know what struck me most about this moral abomination? It was how "normal" it seemed. Two people in love wanting to profess before their family and friends that they want to be together forever. Their marriage wasn't even legal (marriage was legalized in Illinois, but doesn't take effect until June 2014). Now I didn't even get into the benefits from a legal standpoint of getting married, but there are many and many homosexuals have been looking for those benefits. "But we said they could have civil unions to get many of those rights, so...," You say. So, why wasn't that enough? Why hang on to needing an institution marred by bitter divorces?
One reason, by my observation, is normalcy. We strive to be the magazine ads. We try to do what society expects of us. No one wants to be the ugly duckling, the odd man out or the anomaly. Another reason is love. Two people in love want the marriage; want to see the commitment from their partner. They want to declare in front of their family and friends, "See we are normal and he/she loves me."
Dave - this is a very thoughtful post. And while I don't agree with it 100%. I don't disagree with it 100% either.
ReplyDeleteThe only thing that any of us can control is ourselves. When a person gets married, they did not sign up for "happiness" or even to be loved, but rather to love and be committed to the other person "until death do us part".
I don't want to claim that I have succeeded in this, but it is worth striving.
Thanks for your comment, Brian. I wouldn't expect anyone to agree with me 100%, so thank you for any agreement at all. I would add to your comment, that if you are in it to love and commit and not to receive it as your primary objective, you are on the right track. It is interesting you bring up happiness, because I do think that some thought they signed up for it. I believe that happiness is not an end or a goal but the way. You cannot love fully without living happily. I definitely have NOT succeeded in this, but this is my daily goal.
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