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Deserving love

You can explore the universe looking for somebody who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and you will not find that person anywhere. Buddha

You can try to practice love and loving your neighbor and those who wrong you, but if you cannot love yourself, you are going to struggle. Love is like a seed. It is planted inside of you and you need to water and feed it. The environment is very important. But how do we improve the environment? How do we virtually water this symbolic seed?

What if you look in the mirror and fear that you are a fat, aging, unloveable person? What if that mirror shows you all your flaws? What if you are afraid that everyone else can see them too. What if you constantly remind yourself that you have not lived to your potential; you haven't contributed to the world; and your dreams have passed without a chance? What then? What if you believe that you have bad thoughts, bad ideas and must be a bad person? What if you look at yourself in the mirror and don't believe that anyone could love you not even yourself. What THEN?

I don't think that self-love is taught properly. We see people who are pompous, ego-centric and over-confident and think, "I don't want to be like THAT guy." But then we sort of DO want to be like that guy. That makes us feel inadequate. I don't think that is self-love, however. That is false love. That is the over-compensation of a person who, inside, feels inadequate. Growing up I was told not to be selfish and to not want more for myself than for others. "Go to confession! Confess to God that by swearing, looking at Playboys and eating meat on Fridays you are sinning against God and you could end up in Hell because of it." It is hard to feel the love when you are such a sinner.

Religion has also taught me that you cannot merit love. Is this good news for the self-loather or bad news? This is good news. The love is there for you without having to buy it, confess for it, beg, borrow or steal for it. Jesus says, "God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them...There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment...We love because he first loved us."

You are lovable because you are from love. You are a creation of Love. If God is love, Love is God. Love has created you and the vehicle you ride in that you stare at in that mirror. I tell my girls that they are not the box, they are the cereal. Lovable? That is a given. You are from love. The things you do, do not define who you are. The things that happen to you, don't either. You are the gardner who must grow the seed.

Where does this leave us? The practice of love starts with self-love. Self-love starts with the understanding that we are from love. Now you must convince yourself that this is true despite evidence to the contrary. You don't have to echo Stuart Smalley, but replacing some of the rhetoric in your brain with affirmations might be a great start. The practice of love needs regular repetition, though. You might want to try a mantra or bible quote or Beatles' song lyric. Something that you connect with is important. If you are not Christian, "Jesus loves you." aint gonna to cut it.
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